With Honesty, Courtesy and Respect!
Ladies once your profile is live on an online dating web site it will come as no surprise that you will receive far more responses and contact messages from your online dating profile or personal ad than men do. With this in mind you need to prepare yourself for far more attention and far more messages and contact requests than you could possibly imagine. :)
When you receive an online dating message from an interested suitor the first thing you should do is read it! I mean REALLY READ IT! This initial message will tell so much about the person and will help you decide if they are worthy of your attention! Look at the way the messages is written, the grammar, the spelling, the punctuation. These basic writing skills will tell you so much more about a person than a 2 inch thick personal biography....and if you ever receive a message that makes any reference to the memeber being "God Fearing" the message is coming from a scammer, absolutely 110% guaranteed!
Look at what the contact has written. Does it make sense? Has the person really read your profile? Does the person sound genuinely interested in you, or does the message sound as if the person has just messaged hundreds of ladies in the hope that one will reply? Is the message a little skimpy on content? Does the message contain rude, nude, offensive or suggestive topics? This initial messages will be the one that sets the standard for the individual, male or female, and will help you decide whether you should take the time to look further into their online profile for more information, and to see what they actually look like, provided they have included a photo in their online dating profile.
If they don't have a photo in their profile and you decide to reply to the person, ask for a photo via messages, it's not rude, it's your online dating right! :) If they say they don't have a photo I would find that hard to believe in this day and age of digital cameras and phone cameras. This to me would be a 'Red Flag' warning and I would politely tell the person not to contact you again until they have a photo to share!
BASIC ONLINE DATING TIP 101: No Photo, No Reply! It's that simple.
Harsh? Maybe? But it is the way of the online dating safety net!
Many people now include photo required statements in their profiles that goes something along the lines of "If you do not have a current photo in your profile I will not reply to your contact." And fair enough too! If you have included a photo in your profile it's only fair the contact should have one as well. What I find most amusing are the people that have this photo required statement in their profile, but don't actually have a photo in their profile themselves! hehehe! Go figure? :)
When reading the persons online dating profile, compare the writing style of the message received with what is written in their profile. Does the message and dating profile seem like they have been written by the same person? A lot of the feeling you get when you read a contact message and compare it to the persons online profile are going to be 'natural instincts' and 'gut feelings'! Don't, under any circumstances, under estimate or compromise your primary instincts based purely on the fact the person has an attractive smile, cute dimples or amazing sparkling blue eyes! Remember, you are naturally much smarter than that and after you read this article you will be much more 'online dating aware'. Online dating should be fun, exciting and you can meet some amazing people in your adventures, but as with anything there is always a darker side, and online dating is no different.
Online dating web sites, as well as other online social communities, are fairly well monitored to detect and remove fake, inappropriate or misleading profiles. Although online services do dedicate a lot of time and resources into weeding out undesirables, some do occasionally slip through the security screening process. Anyone can be anyone they want to be online and fake photos and photo of models are a common tool used by online dating scammers to lure unsuspecting ladies into their poisonous web of lies, theft and deception. Be sure to read my article on Identifying online dating scams, cons and fakes as this will prove invaluable information for your future online dating adventures.
Once you have checked out your contacts profile and after taking all your feelings and intuition into account you can then decide 'Yes' or 'No'. The most important thing you can do after you receive an online dating contact or personal ad message is to act on it straight away! Don't dwell on it for a week or so! Certainly don't ignore it!.. and never just delete it without a reply!
Honesty, courtesy and respect are what you need to keep in mind when replying to online dating message. If after reading a contacts message and checking out their profile you feel you really don't have all that much in common, or you are not attracted to the person let them know in a honest, courteous and respectful manner. As hard as it may be to say, "Thank you, but no thanks.", you need to respond to your online dating contacts as quickly as you can, and with a definite and clear answer.
No red danger flags!
Not overly un-attractive!
Photo looks genuine and not Photoshopped!
We actually have quite a few things in common!
... and they can string more than 2 words together in a sentence!
You've just hit the online dating jackpot!
Ok, so now what?
Well how about you message off a reply! :)
Y'all have fun now ya hear!
What to include, and more importantly... What NOT to include in your messages reply!
ONLINE DATING TIP 101: First and Foremost, never write in your profile or messages that you new to online dating, or, this is my first time on a dating site, or, I have never done this before, or that you're a newbie, or, don't write that you are inexperienced with online dating. This is the absolute, without doubt, best way to attract and send online dating preditors and Scammers into a messaging and contact frenzy.
No matter what people say, and no matter what a persons situation, we all have relationship history!
In the online dating world this is commonly referred to as 'emotional baggage', 'excess baggage' or simply 'baggage'. Emotional baggage is when a person has emotional issues with or from a past relationship. Emotional issues that have not yet been resolved or 'moved on' from, and subsequently knowingly or unknowingly are introduced as a stumbling block in a new relationship.
This is BAD, BAD, BAD BAD, BAD, BAD!
Before you even think about looking at starting a new relationship, deal with any unresolved emotional issues from previous relationships. When you start a new relationship leave all you 'emotional baggage' untagged in the unclaimed baggage area of your past!
In others words - build a bridge, get over it, burn the bridge and move on! If you can't do this then you are not ready to start a new relationship either online or in the real world. You would be far better to concentrate on resolving past relationship emotional issues with either you ex or a professional councillor.
If you are only joining an online dating site for a little casual self-esteem building attention you would be far better getting yourself a new puppy rather than hurting, devastating or wasting the time of others in the wake of any unresolved emotional baggage you may happen to be carrying!
OK, I'll step down from my Dr Phil soap box now and let's continue on a more positive note. :)
When you first start communicating with a person who has contacted you via your online dating profile or personal ad, the tone of the message should be light hearted and a whole lot of fun. Have a look at the persons profile again and reply with topics that interest them and ask questions based on what you have read in their online dating profile. This is by far the easiest way to get a message conversation flowing.
Emails should be a kind of never ending story, this is always far more exciting and interesting than that the usual; I like walking on the beach at sunset, cream coloured ponies and crisp apple strudels, doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles, wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings, these are a few of my favourite things. Ok it's nice, informative, but not overly exciting, especially if you have seen the 'Sound of Music' more times than you care to remember! :)
After the first or second basic information messages exchange why not introduce a short story, a few paragraphs at a time, that the other person can add on to. Make the story more personal by including your contact and yourself as characters. Include extraccts your own life experiences as adventures in the story. Then you add another couple of paragraphs when you reply. If your contact gets involved and goes along with the flow of the story you will be surprised at how quickly a simple message story can grow into a world class number 1 best seller! :)
Messaging should be fun, interesting and exciting and once you start this style of 'never ending story' messages it's the kind of interactive experience you just won't be able to get enough of. They become messages you just can't wait to receive, read and reply to! If you are not a story style message writer you can always write about your latest holiday, movies you have just seen, your latest pottery project, favourite music, or any generalised information you feel the person would be interested in and would like to know.
During the initial messages avoid pouring out your soul, the 'woe-is-me' topics, and definitely avoid graphic details of ex-partners describing all their infinite faults, flaws and shortcomings. When you are trying to get to know someone new, ex-partner conversations are a HUGE turn off! Remember, the person who contacted you is interested in getting to know you as a person, getting to know you for who you are, and is not looking to be immersed in the torrid and undulating history about your ex-partner(s), broken marriages, or financially crippling lawyers bills. When replying to an online dating contact message, Beeeeee Positive! Beeeeee Yourself! Beeeeee Fun! :)
Also avoid personal issues and personal topics such as; financial problems, health issues, or stories about your marital and family problems. These sensitive and personal topics will tend to ward off most, if not all in the initial stages of the message relationship. As you get to know the person a little better and your online friendship, mutual trust and respect grows you can then begin to introduce topics of a more personal, sensitive and delicate nature.
Remember, be yourself! Afterall, it's all you can be! Ask questions and encourage your contact to ask you questions otherwise the messages conversation will stall, fizzle and fade before it ever gets started! :)
Regain composure, before spinning out of control!
If you find you are receiving far to many messages from your online dating profile or personal ad, there are a couple of easy ways you can limit the flow of messages from an out of control burst water main, to a manageable trickle of quality suitors.
Firstly, you can amend your online dating profile or personal ad to be very specific as to who and what you are looking for. If this doesn't have the desired effect most online dating web sites allows you to hide or make your profile invisible to other members. Once you have caught up on your messages replies and you are still looking for Mr. Miss. or Ms. Right you can then make you profile visible again.
... and one final tip on how to respond to online dating messages?
Respond with Honesty, Courtesy and Respect!
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Below you will find more articles which include tips and common courtesies for both men and women to keep in mind when responding to contacts received from your online dating profile or personal ad. Or if you want to skip along to getting started writing your online dating profile you can visit any of the online dating web sites below for inspiration and ideas. Happy writing! :)
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